The Trunk Slammer

He is never named, because he does not need to be. He is THE Trunk Slammer From Hell, the proud first-person voice of every chapter and the single worst managed service provider in the channel. His company is Apex Cloud Synergy Solutions LLC, and the fridge magnet reads 'Managed IT, Notary Public, and Bounce House Rentals.'

His genius is not technical. It is shamelessness, a gift for social engineering, and a supernatural immunity to consequences. Disasters go off in his wake and he walks away richer and more beloved every single time.

His datacenter, NOC, warehouse, and disaster-recovery site are all the same place: the cavernous trunk of a 2006 Ford Crown Victoria with about 290,000 miles on it.

“The customer does not pay you to be right. The customer pays you to make the annoying thing stop.”

Interesting details

• Sells one flat per-seat price he calls 'The Seat,' and never itemizes, because 'an itemized invoice is a confession.'
• Believes feeling safe is the product, and the only one he has ever sold.
• Bills 'turn it off and on again' as 'advanced diagnostics.'
• Closes every chapter exactly one way: 'Business is booming.'