Serialized fiction · MSP Automator originals
The Trunk Slammer
From Hell
Field notes from the worst MSP in the channel. He does everything wrong and wins every single time.
If you have spent any time in the managed services channel, you have met him. Forty-some clients run out of the trunk of a 2006 Crown Victoria, every one of them on the same dead stack, every one of them somehow still paying.
The Trunk Slammer From Hell is his story, told in his own proud, oblivious voice. It is fiction. The dread is not. Think of it as a cautionary tale where the villain never once gets caught, because the bill always comes due later, and later is somebody else's chapter.
Chapters
The Trunk Slammer From Hell, Chapter 1: The Acquisition
My datacenter is the trunk of a Crown Victoria and my backup is a Seagate in a freezer bag. This morning my rep handed me a law firm that belonged to a man who does everything right. By tonight it was mine,…
The Trunk Slammer From Hell, Chapter 2: White Glove
The lead comes by text at eight every morning, so when the phone rang on a Saturday I knew something was different. A hundred and four seats. A wealth firm up in Lake Forest, a rainmaker who cannot print his own pitch…
The Trunk Slammer From Hell, Chapter 3: House Calls
For nine years the cyber insurance form took one blanket "yes" and left me alone. This year it wants proof, client by client, by name. So I made three house calls in one week, the rainmaker, the dentist, and the man at…
The Trunk Slammer From Hell, Chapter 4: Peer to Peer
For ten years he has been the cheapest man in the county, the act of God that happens to other people's clients. Then a card shows up in his dentist's candy dish, and the number on it is lower than his. Chapter…
The Trunk Slammer From Hell, Chapter 5: End of Life
The lead said the office manager at a funeral home believes the building is haunted. Brad told her it was port 9100. I told her she had a presence, and by Tuesday afternoon I had the account and the funeral director had…
The Trunk Slammer From Hell, Chapter 6: Wake-on-LAN
My name is Lance Mercer. This Halloween I dressed as the deputy who's dating my ex-wife and wore it to the club, and at midnight my phone told me it was archiving every text I've ever sent. My guy picked up on…
The Trunk Slammer From Hell, Chapter 7: #OpenToWork
I've lost twenty-three clients to the man from Apex. This week I found sixty-one people who used to send him his leads, and three of them agreed to say so at midnight, in front of the client. I made one extra handout,…
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The cast
Meet the full cast →The Trunk Slammer
Runs an MSP out of a Crown Victoria and wins every time.
Brad
Does everything right. Loses every time. We are all Brad.
The Nephew
Paid in gas money, Monster, and the occasional folded twenty.
The Kaseya Rep
A new one every two weeks. Saved as KASEYA REP (CURRENT).
About the author
A software engineer who builds StackJack and runs TechPulse's nearshore engineering team in Medellin. He writes the Trunk Slammer because the Trunk Slammer is everything he is not. Read his bio →
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